The No Bull$#!% History of Canada Blog
by Kyle Allatt
Our story so far...
...Kyle Allatt and the House of Style have just finished their Montreal run of their première production “The No Bull$#!% History of Canada” to critical and commercial success. What’s next for our Heroes?
But first, maybe I should placate my producer and tell you a bit about the show. She always seems concerned with this crap (i.e. making a profit, abiding city ordinances, not being arrested, etc.). Well, to put it briefly it’s a 50 minute edutainment extravaganza of the History of our Nation. But not the boring shit. You won’t hear me detailing legislative battles that John A. Macdonald undertook to amalgamate the District of Keewatin into Canada proper. But you WILL hear about how he drank so much that he threw up in the middle of a campaign speech. You won’t hear about the political machinations undertaken by Brian Mulroney during days 3-7 of the Meech Lake Accord. But you will hear about when our 11th Prime Minister sent a citizen underwear via Canada Post at her request. And, if you’re nice, I’ll let you touch my beaver. (Not innuendo. Please take that literally. My attorney urges me to stress this point.)
1) The People.
I usually find myself in Toronto at least once or twice every single year. It’s a short 6-7 hour drive from Montreal, and throughout the years I’ve managed to gain quite a number of good friends in this city, not to mention gaining new ones every time I come by. It’s always a bonus to have friends in other cities for when you need that alibi after you’re accused of murdering a drifter. Not that that’s ever happened to me. Those were unsubstantiated rumors, and it never went to court.
Let’s just move on.
2) The Food.
Look, I know it ain’t no thing for y’all, since you got it anytime you want, but Goddamn I loves me some street meat. Not to mention the Sushi, the Kimchi, the Bibimbap and the Xiaolongbao. Don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m not sure I do either. But you eat all that stuff with sticks. I don’t even own forks anymore. Nothing gets me more excited than walking into a good Asian restaurant, randomly asking for the #34, and then getting served a plate of... something. But an oh so tasty something. I’ve already got a list of 5 or 6 places to hit up while I’m in town. If I can figure out how, I’ll be Facebooking and twitterizing that shit with the check-ins. Or something.
3) The Shows.
I seen plenty of fun stuff at Toronto Fringes past. Most of which elude me now, due to those memories being clouded by the haze of a good old fashioned hangover, but the point remains. I’m pretty sure there were clowns in a least a few of them. At any rate, I plan to create new memories of the shows I’m about to see, and then probably obliterate those again with the demon drink.
The cycle continues, Wu-Tang.
Well, I’ll be in the city soon. If you see me, my producer or my co-star Tupper, the Canuck Beaver, be sure to stop by and say hello. And presuming this blog entry gets published soon, then have a Happy Canada Day. If it’s a bit later, then retroactively have had a Happy Canada Day.
The House of Style